Friday, November 28, 2008


In an effort to stave off future late-ride hunger knocks my extended family pitched in an supplied me with an opportunity to build my calorie cache–Thanksgiving desert. I'm still having trouble reaching the keyboard due to my swollen belly, so here is a pictorial recap.

Pumpkin Roll

Vanilla Ice Cream

Apple Pie (Kosher)

Chocolate Chip Cookies (Kosher)

Chocolate Delights (Kosher)

Pumpkin Pie

Pecan Pie

Sweet Potato Pie

Apple Pie

More gluttony to come, Heidi is cooking some Gumbo tonight, and there will be more deserts (pumpkin cheesecake???).

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Running on empty...

It until today it had  been quite some time since I've bonked on a ride.   Frankly I had forgotten how much it sucks.  Upon hearing reports of my "buffet disorder" several of my midwestern friends have chastized me for fogetting to partake in some sweet treats that can only be provided by that whore that every cyclist knows all too well, Little Debbie.
Oatmeal Cream Pies, Zebra Cakes, Cosmic Brownies, etc. we all have our favorites, but surprisingly most of the folks out here are not big on convenience store runs mid ride.  Hell, I even get odd looks from my teammates when I buy a 48 oz fountain drink, pound half and then top off my bottles with the balance.

Rest assured my my midwestern friends, I have not forgotten your teachings, rather it was some bad luck and an unwillingness to smack the taste out of a cashier's mouth that led to my demise today.  We stopped at a store mid ride and to my dismay they didn't have ANY of the aforementioned trollop's wares for sale.  I settled on a big ass cookie and a bottle of coke that was supposed to be $0.99 but rang up at $1.49  after some debate with the cashier over the price of said cola,  I was forced to buy only the coke as it was all that my postdoctoral salary was able to afford.  Two hours later my cola buzz wore off and I stared to fade. 

All in all it was a four on the bourbometer:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


Whitey, that is who owns and operates 95% of the RV's (recreational vehicles) in the US. Asians make up the other 5%. This little nugget of truth is something that my long-lost friend Toph Wedge discovered while driving from Illinois to Squamish, B.C. for some MTB madness.  While this might seem to have come from left field what follows is the chain of events that sparked this memory.

Up at 6:00 AM to ride.  Out the door by 6:15 into a balmy 26ºF dark Fall morning. This is cold enough to numb my brain to the point of thinking of odd things on the bike.  ~6:20 AM I am passed by a black man, driving a VW Vanagon.  While not an RV, it is probably the closest vehicle to an RV that I've ever seen an African-American drive.  If any of you smart asses say "bus", I'm talking about personal vehicles, you racist.

In other news, It is finally cold enough to say that "Winter" rides have begun.  Thus the coming months will be full of long rides and frozen extremities (including my brain).  In an effort to quantify these rides I'm introducing the "bourbometer". This simple metric distills (pun intended) the pain and mental anguish of Winter riding into an easy to interpret scale based on fifths of bourbon.

Here is the rundown, by no means in the bourbometer a fixed rule, rather it will adapt as time goes on:
One Fifth: Short ride,  not cold enough to freeze your bottles. No need to drink after this ride, but you still do for good measure.

Two Fifths: Cold enough to make your toes and naughty bits chilly.  A few nips of Makers should help thaw you out.

Three Fifths: Serious pain in feet and hands.  Drink until your feet are thawed enough to get into a hot shower without screaming, or you pass out on the couch.

Four Fifths: Temps below freezing with either wet roads or active precipitation. You can see the souls of past roadies trapped beneath the black  ice al la "The Divine Comedy". I recommend a hot toddy to thaw out, make a pot full instead of a mug full.
Five Fifths: 5 hours of being dragged around by Rick Norton in sub 20ºF weather, or 30 mins on the trainer. You'll need a gallon of booze to recover from this ride.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Second spring...

Bizarre weather yesterday.  Tons of rain overnight lead to a damp day on the bike.  Fortunately the temperature was quite balmy, in the upper sixty's.  While rolling through the countryside of B-more county, I was struck by how green the fields were. That coupled with the lack of leaves on the trees and the warm temperatures made it feel like spring again. Unfortunately we are back to more seasonable temps today with the high projected to b in the low fifty's.  Still good enough for a spin, and I'm currently waiting for loud Mike to get his ass up so we can head out.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Back in the game...

It has been a while and quite honestly not much is new in my little corner of the world.  I still have papers to write and jobs to look for, but the off season is almost over.  I've added a few beer pounds and it is  officially now brown liquor season, the time of year when I drink slowly and ride even slower.

One interesting note is that in the past month I've put in more miles on the commuter (A.K.A. madwagon, car, etc) than on my road bike.  Some of these miles were accumulated during this past weekend's "Hubs of Fury 3" which is a bar crawl that traveled to and fro many areas of Bawlmer by bicycle.  While it was not the rolling debauchery that Dirty et al. partook in at the SSCXWC it was still a good time.

In the coming days i'll start training again it is cold enough out that my brain will certainly crap out some silliness that only an long cold winter ride can induce. For those that have been here from the beginning we've come full circle.